Earlier this week, I finally received the letter in the mail from the Archdiocese of Orlando granting the annulment of my past marriage. It took thirteen months to complete (and a hefty sum of money). I felt a quiet relief when it finally came through. One chapter of my life that has come to a close and I feel I can more wholly put it behind me.
It also helps that Pope Francis has spoken about Catholics and divorce. Here and then here. I appreciate his compassion for those abandoned in a divorce and possible future consideration that annulments may be fast tracked when an extramarital affair takes place. Significantly lowering the cost and making it a 45 day process also seems helpful. While it does not change things for me, I'm glad the Pope is suggesting these reforms.
The timing of the annulment is good because I really wanted the process complete before T~ and I get married in December. While we are not getting married in the Catholic Church, it still would have bothered me greatly had the annulment not come through. T~ has agreed with me to have our marriage validated in the Catholic Church once we are married. It would be nice to have the ceremony in a church, but that would take another year. It would not necessarily be an issue with securing a time and date with a church, but the time it takes for the marriage preparation classes. The Church wants people to be engaged for at least a year before marriage and it likely would not recognize the time T~ and I have been together before the annulment. Sometimes you can have a clergy person vouch for you. However, we just moved and do not have an established relationship with a church yet. Plus, the churches that tend to be more understanding seem to tend to be more liberal. So, finding a new person to vouch for us may take time to seek out. Maybe not ideal, but I have made peace with the validation option.
I hope God is understanding and compassionate of our choices. We are older and time is not on our side for having children. Adoption may give us a little more time, but it is not a guarantee. However, please know we are not rushing into kids. We want some time as a married couple, but we are also balancing the reality of our aging bodies. Our hearts are in the right place, and I hope He sees that.
Showing posts with label annulment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label annulment. Show all posts
Friday, October 2, 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Annulment Work
My blog has been quiet this month. Or at least it feels that way for me because I usually have a running list of posts that I want to write and don't always make the time to write them. I feel that I got caught up on most of them this past fall. The list is very short now and they are still incubating. They will come in time.
In some ways I feel I am trying to refocus my thoughts away from baby related things, so there is less to write. But, my life is more than hoping to be a mom. Looking back on the history of my posts, some of it has been about rebuilding or recapturing my life and I have written about dating, career or moments of life.
This past month, I have been working on the annulment of my first marriage. I started it in the fall and then had to wait for the paperwork to be mailed to begin the next steps. It dredged up a lot of old, ugly feelings of loss, doubt and hurt. Not fun. I've worked very hard to make peace with the past and leave it in the past. I've been told that the annulment process can be very healing. That has not been my experience. It just feels like it is opening old wounds and rubbing salt in them. Maybe I waited too long to do it. But, I've been told that the timeline is right and otherwise it would have been too soon, too raw. I don't know. It feels redundant and unnecessary. Maybe that is because I invested the time early and during the fall out with having support from a counselor, my priest and a support group at church, in addition to wonderful friends and family. I feel angry having to open it all up again. It is my choice. I want the annulment. It just really sucks. It sucks feeling stupid, feeling less than and unvalued.
Argh! Just want to get it done!
Fortunately, I am not putting pressure on having to have it done before T~ and I get married. It will get done when it gets done. We can have our marriage recognized by the church after the fact. I am not going to let the annulment take away from my present happiness in my relationship with T~. We are excited about our plans for our wedding. :)
In some ways I feel I am trying to refocus my thoughts away from baby related things, so there is less to write. But, my life is more than hoping to be a mom. Looking back on the history of my posts, some of it has been about rebuilding or recapturing my life and I have written about dating, career or moments of life.
This past month, I have been working on the annulment of my first marriage. I started it in the fall and then had to wait for the paperwork to be mailed to begin the next steps. It dredged up a lot of old, ugly feelings of loss, doubt and hurt. Not fun. I've worked very hard to make peace with the past and leave it in the past. I've been told that the annulment process can be very healing. That has not been my experience. It just feels like it is opening old wounds and rubbing salt in them. Maybe I waited too long to do it. But, I've been told that the timeline is right and otherwise it would have been too soon, too raw. I don't know. It feels redundant and unnecessary. Maybe that is because I invested the time early and during the fall out with having support from a counselor, my priest and a support group at church, in addition to wonderful friends and family. I feel angry having to open it all up again. It is my choice. I want the annulment. It just really sucks. It sucks feeling stupid, feeling less than and unvalued.
Argh! Just want to get it done!
Fortunately, I am not putting pressure on having to have it done before T~ and I get married. It will get done when it gets done. We can have our marriage recognized by the church after the fact. I am not going to let the annulment take away from my present happiness in my relationship with T~. We are excited about our plans for our wedding. :)
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