Saturday, November 24, 2012

Turkey Day Thoughts

While it is still Thanksgiving weekend, I want to remember to quickly get down some thoughts while they are fresh in my mind.  So much has been happening in such a short amount of time that I am not getting to all of the posts that I have floating along in my head.
  • I am thankful for my new job and I am loving it!  Even with not being a morning person, I find myself happy and looking forward to the day when I get up around 5:15 am.  My spirits are usually high as I jam along with my early commute watching the sun start to come up.
  • I am thankful for family and friends who love me.  Emails, texts and phone calls carry with me as I often wonder how everyone is doing.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all for health, peace and happiness.
  • I am thankful for the new friends that I am making in Orlando.  I am starting to make connections here and it is helping me to settle into my new home.  Just want to keep going with the exploring and adventures that come my way.
  • I am thankful for this new chapter in my life.  Moving to Orlando has given me a fresh start and a new perspective.  I feel more open and free than I have in a long time.  I am hopeful for what is on the horizon as I try to remember to take it one day at a time and live in the present.
  • I am thankful for healing space.  It takes a lot of strength to let go and I imagine myself more and more on the side of freedom.  My past will always be part of who I am, but there is more focus on the present in who I am now.
  • I am thankful for my family in Florida and having the opportunity to spend my first Thanksgiving in Orlando with them.  Of course I missed my parents, brother, sister and cousins this year.  But this holiday was I think the first that my heart did not hurt for a longing of a life I so desire to have.  I needed that.  Even with other holidays being better since my divorce, there has always been that little stab of emotional pain that crept into my heart.  A friend of mine suggested that I spend a holiday doing something totally different.  Part of me wished I took her up on that offer a few years ago, but I think I got to experience some of that relief this holiday.  There are times I feel sad with lost dreams, not being able to provide my parents with grandchildren, and a longing to share a life with a love.  Thank you to my cousins for being so welcoming.  It was a lovely day.  And it was funny because my cousin's mother-in-law makes homemade stuffing very similar to my mom's.  So in some ways, my Cleveland Thanksgiving was not too far off from the Thanksgiving table in Florida.  My mom's stuffing is better.  But, this was a good close second.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Clues of Moving On

To help me validate the closure and end space between me and my most recent significant past relationship:
  • Find myself sleeping in the middle of my bed.
  • Feeling less angry and frustrated with it ending.  Moving towards acceptance.
  • Having no interest in lurking on his fb page.
  • Fewer instances of seeing things that remind me of him.  (Moving certainly helped.  But surprisingly, initially there was more around than I thought that reminded me of him.)
  • Wanting to purge and clean out my closet.  I kind of started that before the move, but still find myself doing that a bit more.  It's kind of like shedding an old skin or old self.
  • Reflecting on what I learned from the relationship.  Appreciating what was good about it and what I can apply going forward.
  • Find myself shopping and eyeing up cute dresses and tops with thoughts of, "That would be cute for a date."  I'm kind of in a reinventing phase.
  • Going on dates.  :)
  • Adding more music to my current collection.  Always looking for good music, but it tends to increase when I'm looking for some good pick me ups to get pumped about the next adventure.
  • Looking to do something new with my hair.  I trimmed my bangs a little different and I have been trying to grow it out a little more.  I'm thinking the new bangs go better with the length that I would like to grow it.
  • Noticing men and picking up more on the vibe when there might be a little something there worth investigating.
  • Going on a date and not comparing him to what I had with RJ.
  • Feeling more free and excited to explore my new home and people around me.
  • Being fully in the moment with a man and noticing and enjoying what is special about him.
  • Seeking connection, engagement and satisfaction in my work, play and daily activities.
  • Allowing myself to dream, considering new possibilities and itching to travel.
  • Generally feeling happier and at peace within myself.
Yay, me!  Stay positive, build confidence and feel the strength within myself.  Let my true self shine and see what comes my way.