Final Thoughts on My Internship

Below is my last journal from my child life internship. I knew it would be a growing experience and sometimes growing can be tough, but well worth it in the end. It was also a summer of personal reflection in helping me to heal and move forward with my life. It is part of the process of embracing this life, the life that I have now and figuring out where I want it to go.

I have one week left of my experience and I am beginning to reflect upon my time at ***, I can confidently say that I feel my decision to come here for my internship was the correct choice. I sought out a child life internship program that would challenge me to grow personally and professionally. As a student I was given the freedom and the responsibility to seek out learning opportunities in working with all of the child life specialists in different areas of the hospital. It helped me to clarify my interests in which hospital populations I feel most attracted and motivated to serve. I feel comfortable working with out-patient care, such as the Emergency Department, in its fluidity and flexibility within the moment of care. It lends itself towards spontaneous creativity after making perceptive observations of all of the working parts. I also appreciate building relationships with patients and their families who require long-term care within the hospital, such as the Rehabilitation Unit or Hematology and Oncology Unit. In building rapport, I can better understand the patient through their medical journey as it unfolds and I can create interventions to support their physical, cognitive, social, and emotional needs and development. In working with a specific long-term care population, it is beneficial in building communities of support with their peers to encourage strength, purpose, and resolve.
Through my continued exploration across multiple disciplines throughout the hospital, I observed and worked alongside many medical professionals. For example, I observed the work of an occupational therapist, an early intervention teacher, a music therapist, and a specialist in therapeutic recreation. I was afforded an opportunity to co-treat with a physical therapist and practice procedural support regularly with an established medical team for dressing changes. This internship allowed me to develop a larger view of the collective effort of all included in the healthcare team.
I am grateful to have worked in collaboration with such a knowledgeable, dynamic, and passionate staff that is found in the Family and Volunteer Services Department. I appreciate the enthusiasm, dedication, and professionalism of my preceptors and liaison in guiding me throughout me educational training in child life. I realize it is a field that requires professional reflection and continuous education in order to build and refresh the knowledge and skills to be competent, successful, and fulfilled. I look forward to the next step in my career towards becoming a certified child life specialist.

Lack in (Visible) Posts

I remember reading a few times in some of the blogs I follow when the writer shared they were hesitant to post something because they realized that there were somethings they didn't want to share with everyone who may be reading their blog. I have come to that bump. So while I have been writing a lot, I just have not been making the posts public. It is out of respect for privacy.

Second, I have also debated on whether or not I wanted to blog about some of my internship experiences. I mean, I wouldn't blog about things that would clearly fall under HIPPA regulations. I've just had a lot to digest in my own journey in working towards becoming a Child Life Specialist. Work stuff is also a sensitive area that I would rather not get into in the blogging world. But it is what has been filling my days and my mind lately, as it should. I have been learning a lot and I am thankful for this opportunity at the hospital. I still fully agree with my decision to come to Columbus for my internship as there have been so many benefits--professionally and personally--even it is not always easy. But then again, it seems that when you are having a growing experience, there are challenges to face and to work through to get to your ultimate goal. But in the end, it will be worth it.

And as the end is coming near with just three weeks left, I hope to build the confidence I need to finish strong. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers--especially when it feels like so much is on the line. I've taken a big risk in going back to school full-time and taking my career in a different direction away from teaching. There are days when I wonder if I have made the right choice. Then there are days that I feel on top of the world with the excitement of feeling like this is what I was really meant to be doing and that everything else was leading me into this place.

I hope there will be a job for me at the end of this journey in the place that I dream. However, sometimes I am afraid to just come out and say it because I am afraid of getting my hopes up or having too many expectations. After loosing so much of my life once before, it can be really difficult to fully get lost in dreaming again. Having been in a place where everything had been so carefully planned only to have it smashed over and over and over again from so many angles and directions, I have a hard time trusting that things will really work out for me. I so want to believe that I will not only find my happy--or really, make my happy--but that I will also get to fully enjoy, savor, and live that happy.

Columbus Bound

So it has been a little busy for me since my last post. And I kind of wanted to wait to share once everything was really in place and confirmed. But, yep--I'm going to Columbus for the summer! I feel really good about the program because they were really excited about me and I felt really excited about them, too.

Pittsburgh did make an offer and I felt honored. Before finalizing my choice, I talked to one more person on the staff. My main concern with passing up the internship in Pittsburgh would maybe hurt my chances of getting a job in their hospital once I have graduated. It made me feel better about my decision to go to Columbus because they understood the benefits of going to another hospital in developing my career. And it can help me in looking for a job in Pittsburgh when I am done because I will have something to bring back with some fresh ideas. It is a risk, but one worth taking.

On a personal note, it is important to me to go to Columbus because I want to be able to open up as many opportunities for myself once I am done with my graduate studies. About two years ago, when I really started my journey with pursuing my master's, I had no intention of staying in Pittsburgh. I wanted to tie up the loose ends of my divorce, get my degree and get out of this town. I lost half of my life with the divorce--half of the people I considered to be family-- grounding in familiar places with what had once been happy memories--my home--my hopes and dreams--my identity. Granted I had a few friends, but they are married and you can only be some one's third wheel for so long.

Then as I started going back to school, I decided I needed to put myself out there. I needed to be around people and I needed to be active and to feel alive again. Instead of waiting to finish my degree to restart my life, I chose to live in the moment right then and there. I felt free and wanted to make every moment count. It was scary, but also thrilling. And so I got to experience a whole different side of Pittsburgh. It was like I rediscovered the city and made it new all over again, just for me.

I am more involved and more connected. I have been able to share in the happy moments of rebuilding my life with my old friends and I have made new friends. I am thankful for these friendship because of the support I have felt from all of these very special people who have come into my life. And one of those special people is RJ.

But I want my decision to stay in Pittsburgh to be just that--my decision. By going to Columbus it will let me take a step outside of Pittsburgh and to experience another city. I will be able to test out how it might feel to move somewhere else and to start anew. It will give me a better perspective on how I really feel about Pittsburgh. I don't want to stay because I don't feel like moving my crap or because it is easy. I don't want to feel any regret or resentment about staying in Pittsburgh. It can't just be about a guy or because this is where I got stuck as a result of my divorce.

I hope that all will work out in the end. I am feeling a lot of pressure like I have to make a choice and that somehow it feels permanent. But I think I need to allow myself to be more fluid. And when I do get my first job after I graduate, that I should remember that this doesn't have to be the job I stay at for the rest of my life. If it doesn't work out, I can always change. I just have so many dreams I wish to happen and I am afraid of loosing more time.