Summer Highlights

Much has happened this summer and it will continue to be busy until things settle down in the fall.  Here are some highlights:

• New job is going well.  The work I do makes me happy and I like the people.
• T~ got a job offer and will be joining me next week!
• Temporary housing has been tough and a blessing.  There was a lot to finangle before my move to get things set up for my new job and finding a place to live.  I also had to rush to do some pre-packing before hitting the road.  Although, my tetrising skills came in handy with fitting most of what I needed for two months in my car.  The rest was brought with strategic flights with checked baggage.  My wedding dress came with me in one of my bags for carry on luggage!  I had thoughts of Ben Stiller trying to hug his bag and not gate check it like in the movie, Meet the Patents.  I also do not like feeling unsettled with so much up in the air.  But, I am rolling with it and floating along.  However, living in temporary housing gives me pause from moving to focus on my new job without having to settle into a new home.  Cooking and cleaning are a minimum with a small space.  The commute is short.  It was planned and I just keep telling myself it will all fall into place.
• T~ and I planned two trips to see each other while being apart during the transition.  He came to visit me for a long weekend.  We went to a gaming convention for a day and spent time by the pool.  I went back to Florida for a weekend and got to go with him to his farewell party hosted by his co-workers.  It is easy to take for granted the time apart as another thing on a checklist and chalk it up to it will all be alright.  But, spending time together is so important, to feel each other's touch and hear each other laugh and to talk.  Intimacy is a delicate thing to nurture.
• With me being in Ohio and T~ being in Florida, I have taken advantage of visiting with my family and friends.  I am grateful to have this time with them and just hang out.  There is no rush of holidays or the feeling of trying to cram it all into one visit.  We cooked out on the grill, ate outside and made smores.  Went to Cleveland to go to the flea market, the Westside Market and some local restaurants.  Flipped through some family photos and sorting through things from my childhood.  To just be is wonderful.
• Got to see my brother on my original drive up to Ohio.  He lives in North Carolina, so it was a good stopping point.  Glad to spend some time with him and hope I can plan another trip soon.  The weather will be great for biking.
• Wedding stuff is plugging along.  Invitations got lost in the mail.  Have to now pick them up from my parents' house.  T~ picked out his tuxedo and for the groomsmen.  Bridesmaids are nearly done getting their dresses.  My sister fell off her bike, broke her collarbone and had surgery.  So, that put a delay in shopping.  But, more importantly she is doing better and will have full movement in her arm.  Rings should be ready soon.  T~ is hoping to take them with him before he leaves Orlando.
• T~ and I will camp out in our new apartment until the rest of our stuff arrives.  Yay for making deals with it being the off season for moving!

That kind of wraps things up.  A sprinkling of things to remember the summer before it becomes a blur.  Cannot wait for T~ to come home!

At Home in the Midwest

Today was the first day of my new job.  It is the start of a new chapter.  I've returned to my home state of Ohio, and it makes me feel happy.  I have not lived in Ohio for nearly 16 years, and I have been longing to come back home.

I missed being closer to my family and long time friends, a car ride verses a plane ride.  Just doing everyday things together and not feeling like every visit is about trying to catch up.  Wanting to be there instead of living through pictures.  Feeling the hugs and hearing the laughs instead of remembering them or imagining them as we spoke on the phone or sent messages.

I missed the seasons, the snow and the fall.  I missed it being cool enough to enjoy hot tea or hot chocolate.  I missed the rich warm hues of fall leaves.  I missed having some gray days to hide away and curl up with a blanket.  I missed the quiet brightness of the snow.  I missed the tulips and daffodils.  I missed the rustle of leaves when the wind blows.  I missed the cool summer nights.  I missed the reduced humidity, so as not feeling like you need gills to breathe.  I missed the sweet corn.  I missed the richness of the varying shades of green and grass that feels soft beneath your feet.

T~ will follow once he secures a job.  Then he will come with all of our stuff.  I will be in temporary housing until then.  He is also excited to return to Ohio as his family live here, as well.  It will be nice to be closer to family.  And we have friends here and near by, too.

Something about home runs deep.  It feels good to be home at last.

Microblog Mondays

The Heart of it All

It was really good to be home for Thanksgiving this year.  My fiance and I went to Ohio to visit our families.  We had six days, and we spent the first half with my family and the second half with his.  It was really nice because T~ got to meet more of my friends.  My brother surprised everyone by dropping in for the holiday, traveling up from North Carolina.  My parents' reaction was priceless.  T~ and I looked at wedding venues, too.  While it was very full, it still felt unhurried and with quality time with those we love.

I really miss living in Ohio.  I miss home.  The trip was just further confirmation for me that I want to move back.  Fortunately, T~ would also like to move back to Ohio.  It fits us both well.  I want to be closer to our families...a car ride verses a plane ride...to be able to spend time with them for holidays and everyday life.  I feel like I am missing out on so much!

This has been the year that has filled me with more urgency and want to spend more time with my family and closest friends.  I've always enjoyed spending time with them, but time is precious and limited.  I feel a greater need to get home.  Priorities are shifting and I may not have the patience or the time for my career to catch up.  Plus, if I want a chance of trying for a family of my own, time is running out.  I may have to chose, but hopefully something will work in my favor soon.  A friend of mine said I was nesting.  I am just so thankful to have T~ in my life and that we are in it together.

Columbus Bound

So it has been a little busy for me since my last post. And I kind of wanted to wait to share once everything was really in place and confirmed. But, yep--I'm going to Columbus for the summer! I feel really good about the program because they were really excited about me and I felt really excited about them, too.

Pittsburgh did make an offer and I felt honored. Before finalizing my choice, I talked to one more person on the staff. My main concern with passing up the internship in Pittsburgh would maybe hurt my chances of getting a job in their hospital once I have graduated. It made me feel better about my decision to go to Columbus because they understood the benefits of going to another hospital in developing my career. And it can help me in looking for a job in Pittsburgh when I am done because I will have something to bring back with some fresh ideas. It is a risk, but one worth taking.

On a personal note, it is important to me to go to Columbus because I want to be able to open up as many opportunities for myself once I am done with my graduate studies. About two years ago, when I really started my journey with pursuing my master's, I had no intention of staying in Pittsburgh. I wanted to tie up the loose ends of my divorce, get my degree and get out of this town. I lost half of my life with the divorce--half of the people I considered to be family-- grounding in familiar places with what had once been happy memories--my home--my hopes and dreams--my identity. Granted I had a few friends, but they are married and you can only be some one's third wheel for so long.

Then as I started going back to school, I decided I needed to put myself out there. I needed to be around people and I needed to be active and to feel alive again. Instead of waiting to finish my degree to restart my life, I chose to live in the moment right then and there. I felt free and wanted to make every moment count. It was scary, but also thrilling. And so I got to experience a whole different side of Pittsburgh. It was like I rediscovered the city and made it new all over again, just for me.

I am more involved and more connected. I have been able to share in the happy moments of rebuilding my life with my old friends and I have made new friends. I am thankful for these friendship because of the support I have felt from all of these very special people who have come into my life. And one of those special people is RJ.

But I want my decision to stay in Pittsburgh to be just that--my decision. By going to Columbus it will let me take a step outside of Pittsburgh and to experience another city. I will be able to test out how it might feel to move somewhere else and to start anew. It will give me a better perspective on how I really feel about Pittsburgh. I don't want to stay because I don't feel like moving my crap or because it is easy. I don't want to feel any regret or resentment about staying in Pittsburgh. It can't just be about a guy or because this is where I got stuck as a result of my divorce.

I hope that all will work out in the end. I am feeling a lot of pressure like I have to make a choice and that somehow it feels permanent. But I think I need to allow myself to be more fluid. And when I do get my first job after I graduate, that I should remember that this doesn't have to be the job I stay at for the rest of my life. If it doesn't work out, I can always change. I just have so many dreams I wish to happen and I am afraid of loosing more time.