I Heart Nerds

I have a tendency to date nerds.  I find myself attracted to men with nerd qualities or guys with a little bit of nerd folded somewhere in there.  I can't help it.  Of course, there is quite the variety of nerd out there, so it really isn't all that difficult to stumble into one.

When I moved to Orlando, I originally wrote this guy off for several reasons.  One, he shares a name with a previous man in my past.  Two, I work with him at the hospital, but not very directly.  And three, he is a Detroit Red Wings fan.

That being said, my guard was down.  As we got to talking here and there, I started to notice we had some shared interests.  He is funny, kind and passionate about his work.  He is the kind of person who goes the extra mile to help others and is a peacemaker type.  He carries with him a certain confidence in his work and grounding in himself.

As we saw each other at some social gatherings for work, conversation was just flowing and natural.  I often find myself smiling when I am with him or as I walk away.  A couple of months ago he asked me out on a date.  We have been taking it slowly and keeping it professional at work.  I think we have found a good balance to allow for a certain amount of privacy to allow things to develop and see where they may go.

He is a self-proclaimed king of the nerds.  He is a veracious reader, has done some theater, bakes, plays video games, hikes, does a little writing and plays board games.  Can't wait to check out the Harry Potter stuff at Universal with him!  He was a manager of a comic book store for about five or six years after being a chemist for a couple of years.  In his words, he wanted more than a job.  He loved his job at the comic book store, and said it was a lot of fun.  But, he wanted a career and after some self-reflection, decided to go to nursing school.  He says it was the best thing for him, and he is very satisfied in his work as a nurse.  He is great at what he does.  He is an interesting combination of nerd, and certainly fulfills my preference for a little something quirky while being smart, funny and emotionally in tune with himself and others. 

The Sting of Longing

The other day, another one of my coworkers asked me if I had any children.

Then later, as I was carrying a baby doll with a medical play preparation kit down the hall, someone remarked how natural I looked carrying the baby.

My heart broke a little bit...

with a combination of old, dull hurts and a seemingly semi-silly longing.

And I wonder if I am getting better at hiding it.

It has been suggested that I take it as a compliment and that people only mean well.  But it still doesn't take away the initial sting.  It takes a conscious effort to pause, breathe and mentally let it pass as it is replaced by a drifting, distant sadness where I try to feign normalcy.