Sunday, March 20, 2016

Hindsight

Today, I felt happy because it was spring.

But last week, I felt guilty.  I felt guilty because I wasn't sure if I deserve to miss you both.  It was a long shot.  And honestly, your existence should not have been mentioned.  There were too many other steps to get in the propper place.  I feel embarrassed about that and somewhat angry and manipulated.  Hindsight.  Perhaps, you are not mine to miss.  But, the heart is not rational and it will feel what it will feel. You would have been seven.

It is spring, a time to turn the page and leave the sadness in the past.  It is a time to start fresh and look forward.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, Jamie. Thinking of you. New beginnings can sometimes bring you glimpses of the things left behind or lost as you move forward. So much love your way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Jess--Your heartfelt words are so appreciated. And what you say rings truer than you know.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah, the guilt when we don't miss them, and then the guilt when we do. You're allowed to feel the way you feel. Because then I think it makes it easier to move forward.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I thought of you and them last week also. You have every right to miss them and to grieve the "what could have been." Don't beat yourself up for being human. As incredibly challenging as your journey has been, it is leading you somewhere very special. Take the bumps in the road along with the nice, flat part and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions hit you. Much love! ♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Diane. Feeling conflicting feelings this year. The past feels so far away. Arms still empty.

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete