I have to say that yesterday could have been a terrible day. It was a day with sadness and hurt of the past, but I let myself feel it and then carry on with my day. I did not fight the thoughts that passed in and out of my mind.
But one of the big things that helped most was a phone call that I got from one of my dearest best friends. Karen called me in the morning. I had an essay to write and I thought for a moment of not picking up the phone because I was in a good writing groove and the thoughts of what would have been my ten year anniversary were looming in my head. But then I thought, no, pick up the phone.
As Karen and I were talking, I asked her why she called and she said, "Just because."
She asked how I was feeling and then I stopped. I told her not so good and I asked her, "Did you call because you knew it was my anniversary?"
She said, "Yes, I figured today would be a hard day for you."
With that I teared up and out poured all of what I had been feeling about the day. And I told Karen about it and she just listened. And then I cried some more because it was so incredibly sensitive and insightful for her to call me on this day to check on me. Not many people remember anniversaries, or at least it seems like something more celebrated by the couple. And I would think the dates would easily slip out of some one's mind once the marriage is over. I was so touched that she not only remembered, but that she was also brave and supportive enough to call. It was exactly what I needed--to be heard and to be understood. I didn't even fully realize it until the end of the day. Karen allowed me to say out loud what I had been feeling so that it could escape from my reeling unconscious. It freed me to let the day be whatever it was to be. And actually, it turned out to be a pretty good day.
Thank you, Karen! You were my maid of honor and you certainly have never wavered in our long friendship. You are like a sister to me and know me so very well. You amaze me. You are a dear, sweet friend with a heart as big as the moon! I love you, girl!!!
Oh Jamie I'm sorry it started off so rough, but I'm really gratefull that you have wonderful people around you for support. Karen sounds like an outstanding friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed your post yesterday. I completely understand why it'd be so difficult. It's so important that you acknowledge what a big transition you've made, and how difficult it can be as you continue to grow as a person. You've made a lot of headway hun, and you continue to be an inspiration to me.
Love you!
I am sorry I missed your post too! I am glad that day is past you. AND glad that you can say it turned out to be a pretty good day!
ReplyDeleteAs rough as it was, what a perfect opportunity to see how blessed you are to have such a caring friend.
Thank you, Melissa and Katie, for your support with a difficult anniversary for me. Now that the day has passed, I need and want to keep myself focused on the present and where I want to go. It IS a good thing to be able to recognize the blessings in my life, even during the not so fun parts.
ReplyDeleteLove you, girlies!
Jamie, so sorry I am late on reading and responding. I am sorry that your anniversary came with such lonely feelings, but I am glad that your friend was there to check on you and to to listen to you when you needed a shoulder.
ReplyDeleteI know you are trying to focus on the happier things now, so I won't go on and on, but I am thinking about you.
Thanks, Carli! I appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts. What I have been surprised with is how once I acknowledged my feelings, I was able to move more easily and more quickly back into the present. A year ago, it would have created a week long funk. And even if I had a few moments the next day or so, it was just that, a few moments. And then I was back living my life in the now.
ReplyDelete