Sunday, November 9, 2014

Blogging Relationships

Sometimes after commenting on another person's blog post, you realize that your comment could make a good blog entry.  I found Mel's post, Don't Starve the Good Bloggers, to be an interesting read.  It suggests diverting the energy in responding to trolls towards supporting the bloggers you enjoy reading and where their story, their writing touches you.  I like the idea of investing in others and sharing kindness.  The comments from the post seemed to follow a conversation around how people post comments or how often they receive them.  It reminded me of fostering relationships and friendships.  Below is my response to the post and its dialogue.

I think the blogging relationship between readers and writers follows similar patterns of friendships over a lifetime.  Some people are long time friends, some are casual friends, and some are work friends.  Some are neighbors or people you have met through a common interest, like going to the gym or taking an art class.  Some have that instant kinship or that feeling like you have been friends your whole life, and then a new chapter begins.  They will always be dear to your heart and you might miss them.  Some friendships ebb and flow where there are periods of closeness and periods of distance, but then closeness again.  People's lives change and we may go down separate paths.  The most fortunate of friendships are the ones that you can pick up right where you left off, no matter the time between.

For me, I feel like I am in a very small niche of the IF community.  When I started my blog, it was after the active TTCing and shortly after my marriage had ended.  It was and has been a way for me to process what I went through and the lingering shadows that follow me now.  I had made friends in the IF community from another source of support online before everything fell apart [in my marriage] and followed them here.  So, upon entering the blogging community, I started with a very low readership because I was not actively trying.  It has never been huge.  Who would read about "their worst nightmare?"  But, I keep writing for me and maybe, maybe it might be of help for someone out there.

And I've kept up in reading this blog [Stirrup Queens] because I enjoy what Mel has to say and because I have found some voices who have been through kind of what I am going through and are on the other side, the side without children.  It gives me a light in how to live right now as a childless person.  I may get another chance to try to be a mother, but not at the moment.  I find comfort in knowing if I have the opportunity to try to be a mother, I am connected to a place where others are actively trying.  But, it is also a space that if I remain childless, that there are women here to show me I'll be okay.

Thank you to all who read my blog!  Thank you to those who post comments, as well!  Thank you to the lovely ladies who have shared in their friendship with me beyond the online world and IRL!  Hugs!


  1. I'm still so thankful for our little IF group from all those years ago. You ladies got me through some of my toughest days back then. I think you and I might be the only ones still blogging from that group now!

    I recently made the decision to resign from the BlogHer Publishing Network. I still don't know what the future holds for my blog, but I like that I'm back to what my blog originally was- a place for me to write when I wanted to or needed to, not somewhere to write because I HAD to.

  2. Thanks, Kerri! You said it well--we had a great little group and you all helped me through my darkest moments, too. Not a day goes by that I don't think about all of you, still sending prayers and thoughts for health, happiness and blessings.

    We may be the only ones actively blogging from our crew, but I still enjoy reading your blog. Love to read about your perspective on motherhood and what is going on in your life. Sounds like your blog is evolving into what you need and want it to be--whatever that future may be. If you feel your story has been told or you go another direction, I will support you. But if you keep on writing, know that I'll be reading. :)

  3. Thank you, Mel, for your comment and support! Sorry it got lost in the shuffle of editing and re-submitting. The copy and paste from your blog to mine got wonky and I just really wanted to fix it. Then later, I saw you had posted a comment after I deleted the first post. Thanks, again!

    Below is the original comment.

    Lollipop Goldstein: I smiled when this popped up in my rss reader. Your words deserved to stretch out in a post rather than crouch in a comment section.

  4. Great post/comment! Our niche in the IF/ALI blogging community may be small, but it's growing, thanks to women like you, who are brave enough to write/speak your truth. :)

  5. Thank you, Loribeth! I appreciate reading your blog. Thanks for stopping by my space.

  6. I'm very late to this! Sorry. I seem to recall that I tried to comment - or wanted to comment - but was on a mobile device at the time and it was too hard. I'm a bad blog commenter! But ... I always appreciate your comments, and so I knew I'd make it back here ... eventually!

    I also remember reading your comment on Mel's blog, and agreeing with it 100%. I definitely feel that we have blogging relationships in much the same way as we have "in real life" relationships. And I also agree that many comments would make good posts, so I'm glad you added yours here. I often start a comment, find I'm writing too much, and so keep it brief then go off and write a more thoughtful post. Clearly, I didn't keep it brief today!

  7. Thanks, Mali! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. The length of the comment does what it is intended to it succinct or go into further depth. It all adds to the conversation.