Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Car Drama

So, much has been settled from my divorce.  The only legal thing that has tied us together has been my car.  Even though we agreed the car would be mine, it still had to remain in both of our names because there were still payments left on it.  Talk about a pain in the butt when I moved to Florida and had to get a new title and registration.  However, once the car was paid off, it would be transferred to solely me.

Car was paid off in May.  I started looking into the details of the new title ahead of time so I would be prepared.  I waited for the pay off letter to email my prior spouse so there was proof no money was owed on it.  The process should have been very simple because it was an electronic title.  But, no.  He had to go and complicate things and lie about it!

I made two trips to the DMV.  And there were additional costs because he had the title printed and mailed to him.  He was caught in his lie of saying he was looking into it when the DMV shared with me the date he requested the paper title to be printed.  Fortunately, I had options.  Since I had legal documentation that the car was mine and a power of attorney document for the car from my prior out of state registering process, they could wait 30 days and consider that the paper title was "lost."  Then, I could request a new one to be printed and get it all switched over to me.  Or he could sign and appropriately mark the box on the paper title and send it to me.  He lied again about putting it in the mail, which I called him out on it.  But, either way I was returning to the DMV and going to get my car.  Fortunately, it came in the mail the day before I went to the DMV.  So, while the electronic title would have been the cheapest and fastest route, it would have been most expensive to go the title "lost" route.

Why?!  Why complicate things when you were the one to so quickly want me out of your life?  I was proud of myself for keeping the email communications brief and to the point.  I initially believed him when he said he was still looking into the details.  My blood wanted to boil when the lady at the DMV told me he had already requested a paper title and that it had been mailed to him about three weeks ago.  Really?!  You are "looking into things?"  I was seriously concerned he was going to try to take my car.

Then once it was all signed and done, I felt a little sad and almost teared up.  I took a deep breath and put it behind me at the DMV.  The sadness surprised me.  I figured that would come with the annulment, not a car.  But maybe it was because he hasn't participated in the annulment process and has just ignored it (making  it even longer), and that the car was the last thing we had reason to communicate.  I thought I would have felt relief.

But I didn't, just sad.  Not a sad that I miss him.  Not a sad that this would be the last time to "speak" to each other (if you count email).  Not a sad that I wanted him back.

Maybe a sad for that distant loss.  Maybe sad for a good-bye that was never said.  Maybe a sad to honor what had once been cherished, loved and important.


  1. Oh, Jamie. I'm so sorry. I don't understand why people feel the need to complicate things that are already so complicated--that seems like such a passive-aggressive move. I can understand being sad -- it's a final connection, that car; the way he dealt with this situation shows such a disrespect for the relationship you once had; the contrast of this lying and weird manipulation now to the marriage and love you had... I get it.

    My car was an issue in my divorce, too, and I seriously think it is a bit of a power play. I was the primary driver but he made the payments (I did the trade-in and down payment), and I offered to take over payments but he refused. He actually lied to me about the payoff amount in hopes of getting money from me, but I was sneaky and had ways of finding out the true amount. I spent money I didn't have just paying off the car because I couldn't afford to buy a new one, but I got that lien release and the title back in my name. And he was mad. It made no sense.

    I'm sorry that he's dragging his feet on all the paperwork that allows you to move forward, when he was the one to disappear. Thinking of you and hoping for peace and resolution. It will feel better when everything's in the rearview mirror and there's no paperwork left to be had--I did, so I can hope the same for you.

  2. Thank you, Jess. Your comments are very validating. Sometimes I question if the annoyance or frustration I feel matches the situation when dealing with him. I don't want to sound like poor me. But, he was not exactly being kind. Thankfully, the car business and now the annulment are done. I feel so much better now that the annulment is done.

    Sorry to hear you had a bit of car drama with your previous spouse. Glad it is behind you, too.

  3. I'm furious for so many reasons, but mostly because he feels like he can treat you this way, yet again. Such disrespect and immaturity! Why the hell does HE care about the car? It was decided years ago. Just sign over the damn title and be DONE with it and you. I agree this is a power trip for him, but I don't understand WHY...and you know what, I don't care. He doesn't deserve even one second of my thoughts (or yours). I am proud of how you have handled yourself with your dealings with him. You are brave and strong and deserve the most wonderful life!

  4. Thank you, Diane. I don't get it either. Just glad I got it done before I moved from Florida! It was down to the last minute, but I didn't let him know that. Thank you for your kind words for me. You are a good friend!