Earlier this week, I finally received the letter in the mail from the Archdiocese of Orlando granting the annulment of my past marriage. It took thirteen months to complete (and a hefty sum of money). I felt a quiet relief when it finally came through. One chapter of my life that has come to a close and I feel I can more wholly put it behind me.
It also helps that Pope Francis has spoken about Catholics and divorce. Here and then here. I appreciate his compassion for those abandoned in a divorce and possible future consideration that annulments may be fast tracked when an extramarital affair takes place. Significantly lowering the cost and making it a 45 day process also seems helpful. While it does not change things for me, I'm glad the Pope is suggesting these reforms.
The timing of the annulment is good because I really wanted the process complete before T~ and I get married in December. While we are not getting married in the Catholic Church, it still would have bothered me greatly had the annulment not come through. T~ has agreed with me to have our marriage validated in the Catholic Church once we are married. It would be nice to have the ceremony in a church, but that would take another year. It would not necessarily be an issue with securing a time and date with a church, but the time it takes for the marriage preparation classes. The Church wants people to be engaged for at least a year before marriage and it likely would not recognize the time T~ and I have been together before the annulment. Sometimes you can have a clergy person vouch for you. However, we just moved and do not have an established relationship with a church yet. Plus, the churches that tend to be more understanding seem to tend to be more liberal. So, finding a new person to vouch for us may take time to seek out. Maybe not ideal, but I have made peace with the validation option.
I hope God is understanding and compassionate of our choices. We are older and time is not on our side for having children. Adoption may give us a little more time, but it is not a guarantee. However, please know we are not rushing into kids. We want some time as a married couple, but we are also balancing the reality of our aging bodies. Our hearts are in the right place, and I hope He sees that.
Congratulations! It may appear to just be a piece of paper to some people, but to those going through it, it is what the annulment signifies that is important. You are able to start again, spiritually. God certainly understands what you have gone through and has been compassionate in bringing T into your life. When the time is right, children will come. He will make sure of that. Your timing and His may not coincide...a sharp lesson I have had to learn, but it will happen as it is meant to be. Even though your marriage will not take place in a Catholic Church initially, your faith and spirituality will be there. Those who know you know that when you recite your vows, God will be there too. And He approves. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Diane! I like what you said about starting again spiritually. It is true. And someone once told me that once you do it, you will be glad that you did. True, as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that it is in His time. It can be so difficult to wait sometimes.
I don't know if "congratulations" is appropriate for an annulment, but I am glad that it is done and you can put that behind you, knowing that you can have your marriage validated by the Church after with no hiccups. You should be able to do what is important to you with all this paperwork behind you. I am not Catholic, but I enjoy Pope Francis immensely. Enjoy your marriage, enjoy being just the two of you -- that is just as important as planning for a future that could include children.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the positive sentiments you shared in being happy for me that the process is complete and being able to more fully let the past rest in the past. I really liked what you said about the two of us enjoying the two of us. So true!
DeleteI too am happy that you have received this, and feel that you can now really move on. I'm not in the Church (or any church), but I don't see how any one or any God could not support you and T. After all, your intentions are pure. I think anyone can see that.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mali. Thank you for your kind words.
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