Christmas music is one of my favorite parts of the holiday, along with several other things like twinkling lights, fresh trees, cookies, candy canes, Christmas Story, Elf, wrapped gifts, spending time with loved ones, midnight mass, the nativity and the story of Jesus's birth. But, I feel Christmas music sets the tone in many of the places you spend time preparing and celebrating the holiday whether it is at home, shopping or at church. My favorite Christmas songs are by Johnny Mathis.
However, it has been a long, long time since I have been able to find the joy in Christmas music. Some things were ripped away when my life changed and I really felt the lonely darkness and cold of the winter season. Music was painful. It took a lot of time and healing to really embrace music more fully again, and it seems like Christmas music was the last to fall into place. While I will wait to listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving Day, it was not something I was actively seeking out in my recent past. But this year, I found myself tuning into the radio station quite regularly. It was not until Christmas Eve that I came to realize I have been enjoying Christmas music more wholly again, and that made me smile.
Merry Christmas!
I'm so glad it made you smile this year! Music is a funny thing, so many pathways through the synapses and emotional centers activated by a song or a phrase. I'm glad you are able to enjoy Christmas music again.
ReplyDelete(Christmas music has an interesting history in my divorce story as well...I received the revelation of years of cheating right before CHristmas, as I was listening to my favorite Elvis Christmas record. I refused to let him take that from me and it is STILL my favorite record. Ultimately even though receiving that information was beyond painful at the time, it was like an Independence Day and I am so grateful to be in an alternative reality now, but every once in a while Elvis Christmas brings me right back to that day and a little reflection on it for better or worse. But I still have it in heavy rotation! Like an exorcism of sorts. :) It's lovely to reclaim things that once made you sad.)
Thank you for understanding the significance of this healing step for me. Music in general was very difficult for me early in the separation and divorce. I don't know why since I'm terrible at naming songs I like or remembering any of the words. But, as you said memories are tied to sensory experiences. For quite some time I could only listen to classical music and obnoxious current pop music. I've always enjoyed classical music, but I think the pop music was a departure and almost a second time through adolescence. I've reclaimed a lot. It just all takes time. In some ways I glad that the healing continues. It is not the focus in my life, just somethings here and there that suddenly fall into place. There is more peace in my soul.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that your previous spouse unloaded on you just before Christmas. My carp hit the fan just before Halloween, so it made the entire holiday season very difficult. It is a terrible time of year to have relationship difficulties with it being so dark and cold and everyone is supposed to be happy, which they look because you are so very low. Ugh. Elvis is awesome! I'm glad you held on tight to him early on and still enjoy him. Hugs, friend!