I've been meaning to write a post about this for a while--it is related to how I am handling people's pregnancies. I had written about how difficult it was for me to hear this news for three close friends from growing up. It is difficult because I had always imagined that at some point I could be pregnant with them--to share the experience together. So it can be sad to feel like life is passing me by in someways. But then I take a step back and realize that my life is on a different path and I refocus on what I am thankful to have in my life.
I am thankful for loving and supportive friends--in new friends and old friends who are like sisters to me. I am thankful to have the opportunity to work on completing my master's degree and I have hope in continuing a fresh start in my life. I am thankful for having a heart that is open to love and meeting RJ, who does not shy away from my past and accepts me--all of me. I am thankful for the unconditional love of my family and the moments in which their strength shines through. I am thankful for the strength to embrace hope--in not just surviving and moving beyond, but also in wanting to really live life in appreciating its satisfaction and wonder.
So, I am happy to say that I decided to visit my dear friend, Karen, in the hospital after the birth of her second child. I am glad that I did this with a positive mindset in not just doing the right thing, but wholeheartedly wanting to give back and support her. I felt it was important to visit her because she was honoring our relationship with the invitation to share in this important moment in her life. I really appreciate my friendship with Karen because she strikes that delicate balance of being mindful of my past struggles with IF, but she also does not shy away and continues to sensitively include me in her life with her family.
And as life moves forward, there are and will be other important people who become pregnant in my life. I am happy to say, most of the women I have met in the IF community now have children or are expecting a child. I want to also thank these women for their continued friendship and sharing of their journeys. While it might be easier to drift apart, I value their reciprocated support. I enjoy reading and talking to them about their experiences and I am happy that they recognize and support my life path, even if it is different.
As it might sound selfish or silly to sometimes want to hide from the world of pregnancy and motherhood, I know and I don't want to ignore it forever. It is not healthy or realistic. Life moves on and I am learning how to accept and celebrate pregnancy and motherhood with the special women in my life. It will not be the same as before IF, but avoiding it now doesn't work for me either. Life is not all about me and I want to be there for my friends and loved ones. I feel a shift, which I think is a healthier way to carry forward. I can recognize my sadness, but I can also share in the happiness I feel for my friends and loved ones.