I'm a clutz. It is not uncommon for me to fumble and bumble around. As a teacher, it was quite hazardous for me in my first grade classroom with all of the little furniture because I would frequently bump into the low desks and chairs. My shins had just as many bruises as some of my kids at times.
A few weeks ago at work, I fell on the stairs and injured my foot and shoulder. I seem to be healing slowly and had a recheck appointment today. A PA saw me this time and asked how old I was. He said he was surprised because he said that I looked much younger. Then the PA decided an x-ray would be good to see how things were looking on the inside. After it was completed, he asked me again about my age. He said, "Wow, you look very good for 36, but your bones definitely look 36 showing the normal deterioration."
I always felt blessed in looking younger and being in pretty good shape. But, I think it has been what I've held onto for hope that maybe my body seeming to be in extra good health could help me borrow a few years and maybe the stats wouldn't apply to me. If my bones look 36 and are showing the signs of aging, what else is clearly 36? Have I just been fooling myself into thinking I've got more time or better quality (you know, eggs)? Have my healthy habits and healthy living been for naught? Today I'm feeling a greater urgency to have a baby. I'm tired of seeing all of the pregnant people at work. They are everywhere! Seriously, there have been like twelve. I feel sad and don't want to miss my chance. Today I feel like time and opportunity are slipping away.
And I feel horrible about it all because I should be enjoying the relationship I do have. Patience and not wishing time away in the hopes for the next step and the next step and the next step can be difficult sometimes. I don't want to be ungrateful. I want to be happy and satisfied for what I do have.