- Participating in activities that bring a person pleasure. It is indulgent on the senses.
- Spending time with family and friends in ways that cultivate healthy, positive relationships that are fulfilling. It is about quality social engagement.
- Engaging in work that is satisfying and meaningful and contributes to something larger than themselves as an individual. This may be through work or volunteering in the community.
I've been thinking a lot about my personal happiness and desire to make meaning with my life. It's back to legacy building and I want my life and my time here to have meant something. I'm not sure if I will have the opportunity to have a child, so I search for something else in which to pour my heart and soul. Just in case motherhood does not happen for me, I feel compelled to do something with myself in the mean time, just in case.
It has been five years this month when everything came crashing down around me. The mess was well within the works, but it was in the fall just before Halloween that the surreal became my harsh, cruel reality. Five years of rebuilding...going back to school, juggling several part-time jobs, searching for a new job, moving many times to make a new home for myself, rebuilding a support network, making new friends, saying good-bye to some, trying to keep in touch with others as our lives take separate paths, taking risks, living more aware and freely, landing my first full-time job in my new career, getting that first year under my belt, learning to love again, getting my heart broken, trying to be more in the moment, learning to trust myself, relearning to trust others, taking that risk in love yet again, and refocusing on the now and the blessings I have and not what was or wished to be. It has been a long time and in many ways I continue on the journey of rebuilding, but I will never have what I once had...both a loss and a gift.
My point is that I have been in almost a survival mode that tries to find some semblance of balance in living...to appreciate the little things and the wonderfully big blessings. I have grown tired and I long for a break or breakthrough. In some ways, I want all of these efforts in rebuilding to mean something. I know myself and I take great pride in my work. It is more than just a job for me. But, I need balance, too. My work cannot be my everything because only so much is in your control and I do not want to depend on someone else for my happiness. So, now I try to temper my efforts at work and awaken the other paths to happiness...through relationship and pleasure. I've focused so much on the work part, it can be difficult to take that much needed step back.
I have to give myself permission to be more than...