Every now and again, I get this incredible itch to look for a house. This yearning will well up and I will scour the internet checking out realtor websites to research homes in different neighborhoods of where I live. This is not the first time I have felt this overwhelming desire to find a home, dreaming of settling into a life where having a family seems more tangible...or maybe more bearable without a child because less of life will feel in limbo.
Last winter, a friend, who knows about my history with IF and was pregnant at the time, said with a smile that I'm nesting. She is hopeful that one day I will be a mom.
It is difficult to have these feelings with nothing to nest.
There's something about a home that creates a safe place, a nest even if it's a nest of lovebirds, no chick. I love my cozy home because it's our nest that we've settled in together, and while I love putting our nursery together it is a little strange to have nursery with no tangible baby, with no way of knowing if it will be weeks or months or years before that happens. But I think you can nest for yourself, absolutely. I love looking at houses for fun, too, imagining where life might take you in a new home can be so interesting, because you feel out all sorts of possibilities, of alternate lifetimes. I'm sorry you're hurting, I am thinking of you through these transitions and hoping for some settling, some un-limbo for you soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for pointing out that a nest can be home for lovebirds. That made me smile. It also reminds me to be thankful for what I have in life.
ReplyDeleteHoping that your child comes home to you soon! Thinking and praying for you!