Thursday, May 8, 2014

Leading into Mother's Day

As the years pass, Mother's Day does get easier for me.  I am still in that space in my life that a child could be a possibility.  The acute pain is not as it was when I was actively trying to be a mother.  The sorrow is more distant, somewhat of denial and somewhat of acceptance.

However, it feel like there is a greater presence in advertising for Mother's Day during the week leading into it this year.  I could be wrong.  But, there seems to be more news stories, advertisements on web pages, FB memes and pictures of Mother's Day teas.  My plan is to avoid social media and the internet on Mother's Day, but I am finding myself having to ramp back earlier because the celebrating feels like it is extending into a week.  It is good for people to express true gratitude for their moms.  I just have mixed feelings.  I am trying to balance protecting myself and not hiding from the world.  It seems silly, selfish and sad to feel pain from expressions of love.  I want to be happy for others, but I also don't want it all so much in my face.

I had a few tears when I picked out the card for my mom this year.  She has been so supportive, loving and patient and I am so grateful for so wholly feeling her love.  As the years pass, I become increasingly aware of my parents' mortality.  They have some health issues, but they are managed for now.  I cannot help but think that time is limited.  It is limited just as much for me as much as it is for them, or more.  If I ever get to a place of motherhood, will they be able to enjoy it?  It is a question that lingers in my mind, especially as I see friends who are experiencing ill health and death with their parents.


  1. Mother's Day was always a very sore day for me. Several times it fell during a failed pregnancy attempt and it just seemed like rubbing salt in the wound. Everyone around me was having babies and every celebrity on the face of the earth seemed to announce theirs right before then too. You do whatever it is that makes sense to you and prevents as much hurt as possible. I still firmly believe your day is coming and have faith that God knows when the best time is for you.

  2. Thank you, Diane. :) You ate correct that there are still sometimes waves of pregnancy announcements. And as much as I am handling them better, there are times when the sting returns. But, I also have a longing sadness at times when I see how much the kids are growing of my family and friends. Some of the children are no longer babies or toddlers or even preschoolers. Some are school age or edging on middle school. It shows me how much time has passed and in some ways seeing the older children makes me feel sad and touches on those feelings of longing.

    But, I have to refocus and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I have a wonderful man that is sharing in a life with me in Florida. And I have a job, even of it is part-time. Just keep swimming.